Self-Advocacy for Corporate Moms: Your Summer Permission Slip
Jul 28, 2025If you're reading this at 11 PM after finally getting the kids settled, scrolling through one more thing before bed, this one's for you.
Have you ever felt hesitant to ask for time off, a slower pace, or more help at home, even when you're running on fumes? Maybe you've told yourself, "It's just a busy season," or "I'll rest once the project wraps up," or "I'll figure it out after summer camps start."
Here's what I've learned the hard way: summer isn't just for the kids. You deserve rest, support, and space to recalibrate too. This isn't about lowering your standards or scaling back your ambitions, it's about creating the support structure that lets you pursue both your career goals and meaningful family time. And getting that starts with one skill that many of us high-achieving women struggle with, speaking up for what we actually need.
The Reality Check: You're Not Imagining It
For those of us juggling corporate demands with family life, self-advocacy often feels impossible, or selfish. We're the ones who remember every school pickup, every client deadline, every family birthday. We run conference calls while coordinating summer camps and answer Slack messages during soccer practice.
The research backs this up: Studies show that working mothers perform an average of 37 hours of unpaid labor per week compared to 24 hours for working fathers, yet we consistently underestimate our own workload while others remain unaware of its scope.
Just last week, this reality hit me hard. I was logging off from work, stepping away because I knew my son had soccer practice that evening. I planned to take him and do some personal work while he was there for an hour and a half. But when I shut my computer, I saw my husband still working on his laptop. Walking into the kitchen, I found both boys hungry for dinner, ribs that needed to be made (but they didn't want to eat them), groceries that had just been dropped off at the front door, and our dog barking because he wanted to go outside.
What did I do in those 30 minutes? I made the boys dinner along with myself, it wasn't perfect, just grilled cheese sandwiches. I unloaded all the groceries, put away the frozen and refrigerated items but left everything else on the counter. I wrapped those ribs tight in foil and got them into the preheated oven. I fed the dog, packed my son for soccer, gathered everything I needed, and got out the door.
Was I overwhelmed? Absolutely. Did I tell my husband he probably should have paused to help me? You bet. Did he push back? Of course. But later, during soccer practice, I realized this was just one evening out of many, and it doesn't happen every single evening. My husband typically isn't working into the evening. He texted me an apology, I apologized too, and all was right in the world again.
This kind of evening chaos illustrates exactly what we're up against. Meanwhile, we tell ourselves everyone else's needs are more urgent. Your team needs that report. Your kids need snacks (again). Your partner needs clean clothes for tomorrow's presentation. But here's what Harvard research confirms and your gut already knows: People can't respect boundaries you haven't clearly communicated. Your overwhelm isn't as obvious to others as it feels crushing to you.
Reframe: Advocacy as Clarity, Not Conflict
Self-advocacy isn't about being difficult, it's about being honest. It's not creating conflict; it's creating clarity. And clarity protects your energy, time, and peace of mind.
For the longest time, I had a really hard time asking for time off at work, especially when I was new, during busy seasons, or for last-minute requests. I would avoid asking and then try to juggle multiple things on days I really should have just taken off. For example, if the kids were home from school or if I needed to get my husband to a doctor's appointment, I would try to work around it when I actually should have just taken the time off. I was always afraid my bosses would think, "Here we go again, another day she needs off," and would see me as unproductive or missing deadlines, which was so not the case.
What ended up happening was that this avoidance led to stressful days where I was actually less productive than if I had just taken the day off. I probably would have been much more productive with a clear head and proper time management.
This realization changed how I approach time off entirely. This summer, I challenge you to experiment with real conversations. Try speaking up with the people in your life, your partner, your team, your manager, your kids. Share your actual capacity and what you need to feel supported.
Test these approaches:
- A flexible work schedule on Fridays.
- An uninterrupted hour each day for yourself.
- Clear household division of labor while kids are home.
- An actual vacation where you don't check email once.
These conversations may feel uncomfortable at first, that's normal. But they're your gateway to mutual respect and sustainable balance.
The Science: Why Psychological Safety Changes Everything
At the heart of effective self-advocacy lies psychological safety, the belief that you can speak up without fear of punishment, shame, or rejection. Originally studied in workplace culture by Harvard's Amy Edmondson, this concept applies equally at home.
When you feel safe to express your needs, research shows you're more likely to:
- Take creative initiative and solve problems proactively.
- Address conflicts in healthy, productive ways.
- Prevent burnout by recognizing your limits early.
- Model healthy communication for others.
Here's the key insight: Creating psychological safety isn't just your manager's job or your partner's responsibility, it starts with you. When you model honest communication and set respectful boundaries, you give others permission to do the same.
As my kids got older and I continued working from home, I noticed their needs grew, but they were always looking for me to fulfill those needs. This led to me having a really blunt and transparent conversation with my husband, who is typically home in the afternoons with them. I told him that he needed to be more aware of the times the kids were approaching me for things and needed to be that buffer between them and my work time.
This kind of direct communication creates the psychological safety we all need to function effectively, both at work and at home.
Real Talk: What Speaking Up Actually Looks Like
Let me share two experiments from my own corporate mom life that illustrate how powerful clear communication can be.
The Work Boundary That Changed Everything: I spent months answering emails during family dinner, telling myself I was being "flexible" and "dedicated." Finally, I told my leader I needed to log off by 5 PM for family time, no exceptions. I was terrified she'd question my commitment. Instead, she said, "I wish more people were that clear about their boundaries. It actually makes my job easier."
The Home Reality Check: Last summer, even though my husband was working from home, I was still fielding every single kid interruption during my Zoom calls. "Mom, where are the goldfish?" "Mom, can I have iPad time?" "Mom, he's looking at me!" When I finally said, "I need you to be the primary parent from 1-4 PM," he honestly hadn't realized how much was landing on me. We created clear "office hours" where Mom was off duty.
The lesson that hit me: Boundaries only work when they're crystal clear, not hinted at or hoped for.
Start Small: One Conversation This Week
You don't need to revolutionize everything at once. Pick the boundary that would give you the most relief and test one of these approaches:
At Work:
- "I'm blocking my calendar from 5-7 PM for family time. For true emergencies, text me, otherwise, I'll respond first thing tomorrow."
- "I'd like to take a real vacation in August, completely unplugged. Can we discuss coverage?"
- "I need to leave at 3 PM on Fridays for summer logistics. I'm happy to start earlier or make up time elsewhere."
At Home:
- "I need Sunday mornings to myself, no kid questions, no household stuff. Can we make that happen?"
- "I'm feeling maxed out on the summer camp coordination. Can we divide this up differently?"
- "I need you to handle the bedtime routine Tuesday and Thursday so I can have some space to decompress."
I want to preface this by saying that my husband really is always responsive to my needs, as long as I'm speaking up and clearly saying what I need, he will do it. With that said, there have been many times I've had to speak up and say, "You know what, we've got a lot going on this month and I really need you to step in and take the kids to this doctor's appointment or this dentist appointment," or "I've gone to the past three events at our preschooler's school and I need to tap you in." Even though he doesn't necessarily always see the mental load or volunteer for things proactively, I do know that I can speak up and say, "I need you to step in here," and he will.
Notice what happens: Most people respond better to clarity than to subtle hints or mounting resentment. And if they don't? That tells you something important too. Every time you speak up, you're reinforcing that your needs are valid and that rest isn't a reward you earn, it's a responsibility you uphold.
The Boundaries That Actually Matter
Think about where you're hemorrhaging energy and time. For most of us corporate moms, it's these areas:
Time Boundaries:
- No meetings after 4 PM during summer weeks.
- Email autoresponders that you actually honor.
- Real lunch breaks (not eating while reviewing documents).
I used to always work while I ate lunch at my laptop, but now I don't. This simple change has made such a difference in my energy levels and ability to focus in the afternoon.
Mental Load Boundaries:
- Sharing not just tasks, but the thinking and planning behind them.
- Having your partner handle camp pickup schedules, not just the actual pickup.
- Someone else tracking when kids outgrow clothes, need doctor visits, etc.
Here's the reality about mental load: Most corporate working moms navigate a cognitive burden that their loved ones and friends don't realize exists. It's everything, planning ahead and thinking about vacations and camps, meeting deadlines to make sure kids get into programs, managing food allergies and preferences, birthday parties, sports, shows they want to watch, and all the things. I love my husband and he's very in tune with the kids, but he doesn't think ahead or plan proactively. If I didn't schedule them for camp, the kids would be home all summer. If I didn't sign them up for seasonal activities, they wouldn't play sports.
Digital Boundaries:
- Vacation time that doesn't include "checking in quickly".
- Weekend mornings without work texts.
- Family dinners without laptop nearby "just in case".
Remember: You're not being high-maintenance. You're being human.
Your Permission Slip: You're Worth the Ask
You've spent years advocating for your kids, your team, your loved ones. The skills are there, now redirect them toward yourself.
My older son is on an IEP at school, and there have been many times I've had to advocate for him. I think advocating for other people comes very naturally to me, especially when it's a child who can't advocate for themselves. I made sure I was speaking clearly, professionally, kindly, and respectfully, but also firmly and not taking no for an answer.
These same skills that we use to advocate for others can be redirected toward ourselves. This happened recently when my assignment at work was coming to an end in August and I really needed to get ahead of it and start looking for another job. When I started asking those hard questions, my leader didn't know what my role was going to look like in August, whether I'd be extended, or if they'd have the budget. I was very clear with them and said, "Listen, I just need to start job hunting and see what my next step is going to be." They were very supportive of my transparency and directness.
Remember these truths:
- You are worthy of rest.
- You are worthy of time that's just for you.
- You are worthy of being heard.
This summer, let self-advocacy be your protection against burnout and your path to showing up more fully. Whether it's a simple ask or a major boundary shift, speak up. Your well-being depends on it, and so does your ability to be present for the people you love.
Your experiment starts now: What's one thing you need that you haven't asked for yet?
Let this be the summer you say, "I need support," and believe you deserve it.
With love,
Erin