Nurturing What Remains

Every autumn, trees offer us a powerful lesson in priorities. As temperatures drop, they release their leaves, letting go of what no longer serves them. But here's what happens next: they don't mourn what fell away. Instead, they redirect all their energy inward, strengthening their roots to weather the long winter ahead.

You've just done something similar. You've made space by releasing what no longer deserves your energy. Now comes the most important question: What truly deserves your renewed attention?

The answer isn't found in your to-do list. It's found in how you nourish yourself.

Redefining Self-Care Beyond Bubble Baths

Self-care has become a buzzword, often reduced to the luxury of a bubble bath or a face mask. But that's only scratching the surface. Real self-care is the foundation that makes everything else possible. Without it, you're running on empty, and everything you build crumbles.

When I talk about self-care, I'm talking about five interconnected dimensions of your life:

Physical self-care means moving your body in ways that feel good, nourishing it with food that sustains you, and prioritizing rest. Emotional self-care is about processing what you feel, not pushing it down or pretending you're fine when you're not. Mental self-care involves cultivating a growth mindset, reflecting on your patterns, and building self-awareness. Spiritual self-care is connecting with something larger than yourself, whether that's faith, nature, meditation, or creative expression. And social self-care is investing in relationships that matter. Research shows we don't just want connection; we need it to thrive.

But there's another layer: self-care is also about boundaries. It's saying no to things that drain you. It's making self-care non-negotiable.

Here's a practice that changed my priorities: Before planning your week, follow this order. First, pencil in what you need to do for yourself, your physical, emotional, and mental health. Then, add in your family, friendships, and the relationships that nourish you. Only then do you schedule work and professional obligations. This isn't selfish. It's the difference between running on fumes and running sustainably. Nir Eyal taught me that in his book Indistractable.

What Deserves Your Renewed Energy?

Now that you've created space, let's be intentional about where that energy goes. Not everything that asks for your attention deserves it.

Family presence over family perfection. You don't need Pinterest-worthy meals or a house that looks like a showroom. Your kids need you present and relatively regulated. That's it.

Professional growth that aligns with your values. Not every promotion, project, or opportunity deserves your energy. Choose the work that actually matters to you, that pays you fairly, and that doesn't require you to abandon yourself.

Relationships that truly nourish you. Look at your social circle. Which friendships energize you? Which ones feel obligatory and draining? Let's be honest: you don't have energy for everyone right now. Invest in the people who reciprocate, who show up, who make you feel seen.

Activities that restore rather than deplete you. A hobby isn't self-care if it becomes another obligation. If you're resenting your book club or your workout class, it's time to reassess. Self-care should feel like relief, not another item on the to-do list.

Personal goals that excite rather than overwhelm you. What did you used to love doing? What lights you up? Maybe it's learning something new, creating art, writing, building something. Let yourself pursue what genuinely interests you, not what you think you should want.

Self-Compassion as Your Daily Practice

Self-compassion is the antidote to the voice in your head that says you're not doing enough, not being enough, not enough, period.

Self-compassion means treating yourself like you would treat your best friend. It's being kind when you mess up instead of immediately self-critical. It's being mindful of your struggles instead of spiraling into shame. It's being intentional and honest about what you can and can't do right now. It's being respectful and trustworthy toward yourself, which means following through on your own commitments to yourself.

Here's where self-compassion gets real: it's in your self-talk. Listen to how you're talking to yourself. Are you kind? Encouraging? Or are you harsh, judgmental, full of criticism? Many of us speak to ourselves in ways we'd never dream of speaking to someone we care about. That needs to change.

A practical way to start: Notice the negative self-talk. When you're running late and think, "I'm such a failure at time management," pause. Flip it. Tell yourself instead: "I'm doing my best in a season that's genuinely hard right now." When you make a mistake at work, instead of spiraling, say: "Everyone makes mistakes. I'm learning and growing." When you can't get it all done, remind yourself: "Progress over perfection. I'm enough as I am."

Start small. Pick one recurring negative thought, something you say to yourself regularly. Create a self-compassion phrase that counters it. Write it down. Put it somewhere you'll see it. Say it to yourself daily, even when it feels weird at first.

Building Sustainable Nurturing Habits

Change doesn't happen through grand gestures. It happens through small, consistent actions.

You don't need to overhaul your entire life. Instead, stack new nurturing habits with existing routines. If you already have coffee in the morning, add a five-minute journaling practice. If you shower daily, add a body scan during that time where you check in with how you're actually feeling. If you have a commute, use it for a podcast or meditation instead of letting your brain spiral about everything that needs doing.

Create environmental supports that make nurturing habits easier. Set phone reminders for your self-compassion phrase. Prep ingredients for meals that nourish you. Tell someone about your commitment so you have accountability. Remove barriers whenever you can.

And here's something crucial: adjust your expectations to match your current season of life. We're heading into shorter days and colder weather. Your energy naturally shifts. You might not want to be as social as you were in summer. You might not have the bandwidth to make elaborate weekend plans or take your kids on adventures every Saturday. That's not failure. That's seasonal awareness. Give yourself permission to do less during seasons when your body and mind naturally need more rest.

Your Next Steps

This isn't about doing more. It's about doing what matters.

Choose three specific ways to nurture yourself this week. Not grand gestures, small, doable things. Maybe it's a 15-minute walk, calling a friend you miss, cooking a meal you actually enjoy, an early bedtime, or 10 minutes of movement. Write them down. Put them on your calendar. Treat them like non-negotiable appointments.

Practice one self-compassion phrase daily. When the familiar negative thought arises, pause and say your phrase instead. Do this consistently for at least a week.

Schedule non-negotiable "root-strengthening" time in your calendar. This is sacred. This is where you come back to yourself. Protect it like you would a meeting with your boss. Because this meeting with yourself? It's the most important one you'll have all week.

The trees don't question whether their roots deserve attention. They understand that surviving the winter depends on what happens underground, out of sight. Your roots matter too. Tend to them. Strengthen them. Everything else will follow.

With love,

Erin